Hello 304! You are doing a good job getting your comments in, but remember that you are getting participation grades for what you submit. Some of you are going to lose points because your comments are very bland. I need you to be specific to help out your classmates on how to fix their essays. For example, don't just say, "Couple of spelling/grammar mistakes, but good essay." Tell them what the specific mistakes are! I appreciate those of you that are being honest and offering up some good criticism. Don't be afraid to say what you didn't like about an essay, but remember to not be negative or insulting and always mention at least one good thing about somebody's writing.
Hope you are all enjoying your break and I will see you soon. Remember...be specific!
Ms. Campbell
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Narrative Essay Number Fifteen
I) The time I went to Mexico.
A: I was so excited
B: This was the first time I will be going to Mexico
II) The three hours and thirty minutes flight were not bad I played on my mom's ipad.
A: We had to leave at 4:30 a.m.
B: I was so tired I fell asleep in the car and 1 hour on the plane.
C: The flight attendant gave me an energy drink so I was up for a while
III) When I first saw Mexico I was amazed it was really hot and I saw many stray animals.
A) I saw kids and adults playing soccer
B) Their were many people in Mexico
IV) The hotel was so cool and big but I just decided to go to the beach with my brother.
A) The water was crystal clear.
B) My brother and I rented jet skis and raced them it was so much fun.
C) After ward my family and I went to a restaurant that tasted amazing!
D) They even had a mariachi band performing there.
V) That was the best summer vacation ever!
A: I was so excited
B: This was the first time I will be going to Mexico
II) The three hours and thirty minutes flight were not bad I played on my mom's ipad.
A: We had to leave at 4:30 a.m.
B: I was so tired I fell asleep in the car and 1 hour on the plane.
C: The flight attendant gave me an energy drink so I was up for a while
III) When I first saw Mexico I was amazed it was really hot and I saw many stray animals.
A) I saw kids and adults playing soccer
B) Their were many people in Mexico
IV) The hotel was so cool and big but I just decided to go to the beach with my brother.
A) The water was crystal clear.
B) My brother and I rented jet skis and raced them it was so much fun.
C) After ward my family and I went to a restaurant that tasted amazing!
D) They even had a mariachi band performing there.
V) That was the best summer vacation ever!
Narrative Essay Number Fourteen
I. The Day I turned 13.
II. I woke up and called a friend at 11:30 and he came to my house so we could play video games. Then later that day we went to see The Lorax movie. It was really good too. But really, Zach Efron is a loser! But it was good nonetheless.
III. On the way home we went to Wal-Mart. In which I got candy. Epic candy like gum and Mike and Ike's.
IV. Earlier that week I went to Key Lime Cove with my friend and My Family. It was great swimming with my niece and nephew in the water. They we went to Rainforest Cafe and chilled out in the mall.
V. But when I think about it, there was nothing really swell about it. I mean it was fun but I lost my voice and chewed more gum. So when you think about inhaling the air in the pool room think twice or you'll lose your voice.
II. I woke up and called a friend at 11:30 and he came to my house so we could play video games. Then later that day we went to see The Lorax movie. It was really good too. But really, Zach Efron is a loser! But it was good nonetheless.
III. On the way home we went to Wal-Mart. In which I got candy. Epic candy like gum and Mike and Ike's.
IV. Earlier that week I went to Key Lime Cove with my friend and My Family. It was great swimming with my niece and nephew in the water. They we went to Rainforest Cafe and chilled out in the mall.
V. But when I think about it, there was nothing really swell about it. I mean it was fun but I lost my voice and chewed more gum. So when you think about inhaling the air in the pool room think twice or you'll lose your voice.
Narrative Essay Number Thirteen
Have you ever pet a dolphin? Or had a dolpin splash water on you? This is a story all about the time that I fed and pet a dolphin.
We were at Sea World in San Antonio, Texas. We were in San Antonio because I had a national competition for tumbling. I came in 5th place throughout the whole country. We were in Texas for a week.
While we were feeding the dolphins, one dolphin came and splashed water all over me. The dolphin was black and I think had a scar on him. He must've thought that I wasn't going to give him a fish, but I was. He just put his head under the water and yanked it up making water splash all over me. My brother and sister were laughing.
We fed the dolphins fish. When you bought the fish they came in little trays. They came with about 6 fish. I bought two trays of fish for the dolphins.
Petting and feeding a dolphin was really fun. I will remember this experience for a long time. I would definitely want to do this again.
We were at Sea World in San Antonio, Texas. We were in San Antonio because I had a national competition for tumbling. I came in 5th place throughout the whole country. We were in Texas for a week.
While we were feeding the dolphins, one dolphin came and splashed water all over me. The dolphin was black and I think had a scar on him. He must've thought that I wasn't going to give him a fish, but I was. He just put his head under the water and yanked it up making water splash all over me. My brother and sister were laughing.
We fed the dolphins fish. When you bought the fish they came in little trays. They came with about 6 fish. I bought two trays of fish for the dolphins.
Petting and feeding a dolphin was really fun. I will remember this experience for a long time. I would definitely want to do this again.
Narrative Essay Number Twelve
Have you ever wondered how it feels to travel the seas surface? How about what it's like to travel around the world searching for treasure? Well I have done both of these things and even though it was dangerous it was also very exciting. It also helped me learn that some things aren't worth dying for.
First there was Black Beard and his crew. They started following us after we took a key from their last ship wreck, which disturbed their final resting place. At first we thought they were a cargo ship but when they got closer we realized they were dead. Also when they got closer they started firing at us with their cannon. So we started firing back but out cannon balls did no harm to their ship so we tried to outrun them. We couldn't lose them though so we landed on a nearby island and tried to fight them there. They were much stronger than us though and over took and captured us, but they still took our submarine wtih.
After we were on their ship they forced us to take them to the treasure but on the way we were attacked by a giant squid. It wrapped its arms around the hull of the ship and attempted to sink us, but Black Beard and his crew defended the ship by cutting off three of the squid's arms. After that we had been travelling for about 2-3 weeks in peace until we neared the shipwreck where the treasure lay and a whale the size of five double decker buses attacked. Black Beard through spear after spear the the whale until it finally left us alone.
So we took our submarine down to get the treasure from the sunken ship but instead we found an old wet map. Even though most of the writing was faded we could still tell what was written. It said to go to an old island located off of the coast of Spain. When we got there we had to trek across the deep jungle to the center of the island. There were heaps of gold and jewels everywhere. There Black Beard and his crew went to take the treasure for themselves but as soon as they touched it a gaping hole opened underneath them and they fell to their deaths again.
So throughout and after this entire ordeal I realized that some things you just can't have. The things you can have though sometimes just aren't worth dying for. I have also discovered that even though travelling the world can be fun and exciting it can also be deadly and dangerous.rough
First there was Black Beard and his crew. They started following us after we took a key from their last ship wreck, which disturbed their final resting place. At first we thought they were a cargo ship but when they got closer we realized they were dead. Also when they got closer they started firing at us with their cannon. So we started firing back but out cannon balls did no harm to their ship so we tried to outrun them. We couldn't lose them though so we landed on a nearby island and tried to fight them there. They were much stronger than us though and over took and captured us, but they still took our submarine wtih.
After we were on their ship they forced us to take them to the treasure but on the way we were attacked by a giant squid. It wrapped its arms around the hull of the ship and attempted to sink us, but Black Beard and his crew defended the ship by cutting off three of the squid's arms. After that we had been travelling for about 2-3 weeks in peace until we neared the shipwreck where the treasure lay and a whale the size of five double decker buses attacked. Black Beard through spear after spear the the whale until it finally left us alone.
So we took our submarine down to get the treasure from the sunken ship but instead we found an old wet map. Even though most of the writing was faded we could still tell what was written. It said to go to an old island located off of the coast of Spain. When we got there we had to trek across the deep jungle to the center of the island. There were heaps of gold and jewels everywhere. There Black Beard and his crew went to take the treasure for themselves but as soon as they touched it a gaping hole opened underneath them and they fell to their deaths again.
So throughout and after this entire ordeal I realized that some things you just can't have. The things you can have though sometimes just aren't worth dying for. I have also discovered that even though travelling the world can be fun and exciting it can also be deadly and dangerous.rough
Narrative Essay Number Eleven
Have you ever gone to a boarding school in another continent? Well Jane and her twin brother Ike have, in the middle of the year! Once they get there it's not what you expect. I mean do you want an evil spirit stalking you everywhere you go? Well Jane certainly doesn't. In fact she is scared of her brother when he sneaks up behind her, and thought a ghost stalking you was bad how about being related to King Tutankhamen!
Ike and Jane are twin brother and sister and they go to a boarding school in Britain. They find that they are relative of King Tutankhamen the ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. Jane and Ike find an old lady wandering. The old lady's eyes turn red like she was possessed and the she screamed " run away before she gets you chosen one" Jane follows her and the old lady says "protect with your life or she'll tak yours" and in her wand was an amulet that looked extremely worn out and old. They lady says "in my last few moments on this earth I need to give you this "and her hand was a map. Then out of nowhere this spirit came and went through the old lady which killed her. The spirit says" you better watch it or you'll be next."
Jane is so called the chose one. Jane and only Jane has the power to kill this spirit. She can do so by putting on the Mask of Anubis, which she has to find. Jane looks at the map and figures out that there is a secret passage way at the basement. Jane has to go through secret tunnels and traps to get to the mask. She has to face all her fears to get to the mask. Once she finds the mask she realizes it's not the real mask and it is counterfeit but the counterfeit is the key to get to the real mask. Jane has to go through the choice of choosing her family or the mask. Jane chooses the mask because she realizes that it all a trick by the evil spirit.
Jane puts on the Mask of Anubis and she realizes that she not the chosen one after all. Ike comes down the sitars and says "I know you're not the chosen one I am." Ike puts on the mask which then kills the evil spirit. Ike falls to his knees. Jane goes to him and gives him a hug says "you did it!" Then she realizes Ike is dead. Ike sacrificed himself to kill the spirit. All of a sudden she hears Ike's voice behind her. The Jane screams "Ike where are you!" Ike's says I will always be by your side from now on. Jane fly's home to America, and tells what to Ike to her parents and all her dad said was "I knew this day would come."
Jane and Ike are a part of an ancient Egyptian family. Jane is the so called chosen one who can save the world from an evil spirit. Jane is supposed to kill this spirit with the Mask of Anubis which she found. Jane figures out that the mask doesn't work on her then Ike went and grabbed the mask and sacrificed himself to save his sister from being haunted from an evil spirit. Jane goes home and her parents were expecting this to happen.
Ike and Jane are twin brother and sister and they go to a boarding school in Britain. They find that they are relative of King Tutankhamen the ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. Jane and Ike find an old lady wandering. The old lady's eyes turn red like she was possessed and the she screamed " run away before she gets you chosen one" Jane follows her and the old lady says "protect with your life or she'll tak yours" and in her wand was an amulet that looked extremely worn out and old. They lady says "in my last few moments on this earth I need to give you this "and her hand was a map. Then out of nowhere this spirit came and went through the old lady which killed her. The spirit says" you better watch it or you'll be next."
Jane is so called the chose one. Jane and only Jane has the power to kill this spirit. She can do so by putting on the Mask of Anubis, which she has to find. Jane looks at the map and figures out that there is a secret passage way at the basement. Jane has to go through secret tunnels and traps to get to the mask. She has to face all her fears to get to the mask. Once she finds the mask she realizes it's not the real mask and it is counterfeit but the counterfeit is the key to get to the real mask. Jane has to go through the choice of choosing her family or the mask. Jane chooses the mask because she realizes that it all a trick by the evil spirit.
Jane puts on the Mask of Anubis and she realizes that she not the chosen one after all. Ike comes down the sitars and says "I know you're not the chosen one I am." Ike puts on the mask which then kills the evil spirit. Ike falls to his knees. Jane goes to him and gives him a hug says "you did it!" Then she realizes Ike is dead. Ike sacrificed himself to kill the spirit. All of a sudden she hears Ike's voice behind her. The Jane screams "Ike where are you!" Ike's says I will always be by your side from now on. Jane fly's home to America, and tells what to Ike to her parents and all her dad said was "I knew this day would come."
Jane and Ike are a part of an ancient Egyptian family. Jane is the so called chosen one who can save the world from an evil spirit. Jane is supposed to kill this spirit with the Mask of Anubis which she found. Jane figures out that the mask doesn't work on her then Ike went and grabbed the mask and sacrificed himself to save his sister from being haunted from an evil spirit. Jane goes home and her parents were expecting this to happen.
Narrative Essay Number Ten
Do you remember the first time you ever saw a concert? Well my first concert was very exciting for me, my family and friends.
I went with my mom, my little sister and my cousin and my friends. We were all just hanging out around at Six Flags Great America, having fun and riding rides. Then we found out that Mike Posner was there for a concert.
My friend's mom met us at the entrance with tickets to see him. It looked like it was going to rain. By the time we were by the entrance it started to drizzle. By the time everyone was in their seats it started to pour.
When the music started and no one could hear rain from all the loud music. The music was so loud it probably could be heard from outside! There was a guest star named Miguel we didn't really like him that much except for my mom.
Finally, Mike Posner came out and we loved it. We sang along with every song with every song that he sang. Our favorite song that he sang was "Cooler than me". While we were all singing and dancing my little sister fell asleep. After the concert we went outside and even though the rain stopped everything was wet (including my sister's stroller).
My first concert was really fun because my friends and family were there with me.
I went with my mom, my little sister and my cousin and my friends. We were all just hanging out around at Six Flags Great America, having fun and riding rides. Then we found out that Mike Posner was there for a concert.
My friend's mom met us at the entrance with tickets to see him. It looked like it was going to rain. By the time we were by the entrance it started to drizzle. By the time everyone was in their seats it started to pour.
When the music started and no one could hear rain from all the loud music. The music was so loud it probably could be heard from outside! There was a guest star named Miguel we didn't really like him that much except for my mom.
Finally, Mike Posner came out and we loved it. We sang along with every song with every song that he sang. Our favorite song that he sang was "Cooler than me". While we were all singing and dancing my little sister fell asleep. After the concert we went outside and even though the rain stopped everything was wet (including my sister's stroller).
My first concert was really fun because my friends and family were there with me.
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