Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Eleven

          Have you ever gone to a boarding school in another continent? Well Jane and her twin brother Ike have, in the middle of the year! Once they get there it's not what you expect. I mean do you want an evil spirit stalking you everywhere you go? Well Jane certainly doesn't. In fact she is scared of her brother when he sneaks up behind her, and thought a ghost stalking you was bad how about being related to King Tutankhamen!

          Ike and Jane are twin brother and sister and they go to a boarding school in Britain. They find that they are relative of King Tutankhamen the ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. Jane and Ike find an old lady wandering. The old lady's eyes turn red like she was possessed and the she screamed " run away before she gets you chosen one" Jane follows her and the old lady says "protect with your life or she'll tak yours" and in her wand was an amulet that looked extremely worn out and old. They lady says "in my last few moments on this earth I need to give you this "and her hand was a map. Then out of nowhere this spirit came and went through the old lady which killed her. The spirit says" you better watch it or you'll be next."

          Jane is so called the chose one. Jane and only Jane has the power to kill this spirit. She can do so by putting on the Mask of Anubis, which she has to find. Jane looks at the map and figures out that there is a secret passage way at the basement. Jane has to go through secret tunnels and traps to get to the mask. She has to face all her fears to get to the mask. Once she finds the mask she realizes it's not the real mask and it is counterfeit but the counterfeit is the key to get to the real mask. Jane has to go through the choice of choosing her family or the mask. Jane chooses the mask because she realizes that it all a trick by the evil spirit.

          Jane puts on the Mask of Anubis and she realizes that she not the chosen one after all. Ike comes down the sitars and says "I know you're not the chosen one I am." Ike puts on the mask which then kills the evil spirit. Ike falls to his knees. Jane goes to him and gives him a hug says "you did it!" Then she realizes Ike is dead. Ike sacrificed himself to kill the spirit. All of a sudden she hears Ike's voice behind her. The Jane screams "Ike where are you!" Ike's says I will always be by your side from now on. Jane fly's home to America, and tells what to Ike to her parents and all her dad said was "I knew this day would come."

          Jane and Ike are a part of an ancient Egyptian family. Jane is the so called chosen one who can save the world from an evil spirit. Jane is supposed to kill this spirit with the Mask of Anubis which she found. Jane figures out that the mask doesn't work on her then Ike went and grabbed the mask and sacrificed himself to save his sister from being haunted from an evil spirit. Jane goes home and her parents were expecting this to happen.

14 comments:

  1. I like how the first sentence gets your attention

    not many spelling errors

    good narrative

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  2. First paragraph sounds confusing.

    You have some spelling mistakes.

    Your summary reminds me of a show called "The House of Anubis".

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  3. I like how you started with a question.

    Your first paragrah was confusing to me.

    I would like to read this from a book but this was a good essy.

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  4. In the second line of the second paragraph,it should b relatives instead relative.

    In the first sentence of the third paragraph, it should be chosen instead of chose.

    Your essay was very detailed and descriptive.

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  5. Your essay was great, very well detailed

    The begining was great

    At the end it was confusing because her parents were expecting it.... be more descriptive

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  6. This was an alright essay. There were a few spelling/grammer mistakes, nut this was a good essay.

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  7. very detailed
    its pretty confusing at first
    overall good narrative

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  8. First paragraph third sentence change "get" to "got", second paragraph fourth sentence what does does she have to protect and you misspelled "take" as "tak".

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  9. In the second to last sentence in the fourth paragraph I didnt think it made sense.

    I thought the tense you put it in was kinda weird.

    It was kinda confusing.

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  10. I got confused at first
    Got my attention right away
    fourth sentence of the second paragraph you put tak but i think you meant take
    This was an alright eassy

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  11. I thought this story was kind of confusing at the end.

    I noticed you spelled a couple of things wrong.

    But the story was good.

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  12. This essay started off good. Caught my attention and everything... thats great! Well then the second paragrapgh was confusing and you had some spelling mistakes such as "tak" which should be "take" and "the" should be "then." After "then" in the second paracgrapgh shouldnt there be and after sreamed and chage run to ran.

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  13. The begining was good

    I realy was interested

    in the second paraghraf it should be ran not run

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  14. This is a really interesting outline and topic and I would like to go to a boarding school in Africa with the other Melon Munchers. Good work though!

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