Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Fifteen

I) The time I went to Mexico.
A: I was so excited
B: This was the first time I will be going to Mexico

II) The three hours and thirty minutes flight were not bad I played on my mom's ipad.
A: We had to leave at 4:30 a.m.
B: I was so tired I fell asleep in the car and 1 hour on the plane.
C: The flight attendant gave me an energy drink so I was up for a while

III) When I first saw Mexico I was amazed it was really hot and  I saw many stray animals.
A) I saw kids and adults playing soccer
B) Their were many people in Mexico

IV) The hotel was so cool and big but I just decided to go to the beach with my brother.
A) The water was crystal clear.
B) My brother and I rented jet skis and raced them it was so much fun.
C) After ward my family and I went to a restaurant that tasted amazing!
D) They even had a mariachi band performing there.

V) That was the best summer vacation ever!
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15 comments:

  1. Magic105April 11, 2012 at 6:43 PM

    It sounded like so much fun.

    You could have made them into paragraphs.

    I didn't find any spelling mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Magic105April 11, 2012 at 6:45 PM

      To add to my second comment, I ment to say you could have made them into paragraphs to sound more togehter instead of one statement after the other.

      Delete
  2. BuddytheElfApril 11, 2012 at 6:43 PM

    Needs to be in paragraph form

    Add more detail

    Sounds fun great narrative

    ReplyDelete
  3. flower powerApril 12, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    Good essy.

    Try and make it more detailed next time.

    I did not find any spelling mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 12, 2012 at 5:25 PM

    Your essay should be in paragraph form.

    In III, B, it should be there instead of their.

    Other than that, I liked your essay.

    ReplyDelete
  5. shadowhunter252April 13, 2012 at 4:36 PM

    This essay sounded like a lot of fun.
    I would like to be in this essay myself.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JurxssicaApril 13, 2012 at 4:41 PM

    This essay should be in paragaph form

    It sounded like fun

    needs more detail

    ReplyDelete
  7. regectedgoodsideApril 14, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    pretty detailed
    in IV C, i think "afterward" is one word
    great narrative, its suppose to be paragraph form

    ReplyDelete
  8. Big Bay BluesApril 15, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    Needs to be in paragraph form
    in IV afterward is one word not two
    needsmore detail

    ReplyDelete
  9. Left 4 Dead GirlApril 15, 2012 at 10:46 AM

    I like this story.

    It needs to be in paragraph form.

    Good details.

    ReplyDelete
  10. SWAGmonsterApril 15, 2012 at 11:17 AM

    It needs to be in paragraph form

    In some parts you put it in present tense when its suppose to be in past.

    It needs more detail.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Exibitioner99April 15, 2012 at 4:46 PM

    It should be in paragraph form, beginning of the second paragraph I think you should take the "s" off of "minutes", and I think you had great detail in the story.

    ReplyDelete
  12. puppet masterApril 15, 2012 at 5:29 PM

    Nice extended outline... I hope when you put it in paragrapgh form it turns out great. NIce detail in the story. In II. but was instead of were.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousApril 15, 2012 at 6:23 PM

    I really liked this outline!

    Should be in a paragraph

    Sounds fun lots of information

    ReplyDelete
  14. #1 White Sox fanApril 16, 2012 at 3:13 PM

    Lucky you should have taken me with I would've loved to chill in my sombrero taking a siesta during a Fiesta chilling like a G it's all good, especially your topic. Great outline nonetheless.

    ReplyDelete

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