Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Five

          Have you ever been to the beach? Do you remember the first time you went to the beach? Well I do. The first time I went to the beach was fun.

          I woke up and ate breakfast. I went in my room and looked for my swimsuit and the other things I needed to get ready. I found my swimsuit and got dressed. I waited for everyone else to get ready. While I waited I watched television. Then everyone was ready so we got in the car and left.

          My family and I are in the car going to the beach. While I was in the car I listened to music and played games. I also slept for a little while because I was tired. Then I woke up and had to put everything away because we were getting out of the car. I put the seat down so my brother could get out of the car.

         At the beach I stepped on the hot sand. I can feel the cool ocean breeze on my body. I got out my towel and laid it down on the sand so I could rest on it. Before I relaxed, I had my mom put sun block on me to not get a sun burn. Then I relaxed and then my sister put on the radio and I heard some songs that I liked.

          I got ino the water and swam a little with my brother. After that my brother and I dug a hole in the sand and built a sand castle and collected some seashells to take home. THen we finished and took some pictures. Then I got tired from all the playing so I laid on my towel and fell asleep for a while. Then I woke up and got ready to go home. The first day at the beach was really fun and the best day ever.

14 comments:

  1. I like the questions at the begging of the essay

    I like the detail you put into this

    It's a great narrative but I would just use some synonyms

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  2. I remember the first time i went to the beach

    I liked this very interesting

    This had lots of details

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  3. Had lots of great details
    Great spelling
    Great essay

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  4. I liked your story.

    Last paragraph first sentense did you mean into.

    Didnt find any other mistakes

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  5. You should make the first and second sentences in the second paragraph one sentence, it is very informative, in the last paragraph in the third sentence you put too many capitals in "then".

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  6. Your story was o.k.. I would suggest that you put a couple of sentances theat ask questions. When you put those questions into this story, this story will be a geat story that evey one will want to read.

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  7. I thought this was a good essay.

    But you need to make the sentences a little longer then they are.

    And in "then" the "TH" are capital it is just suppose to be capital "T".

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  8. Your story wasn't the greatest. You had quite a bit of grammar mistakes. Where was your conclusion.... was it the last sentence? Proof read your work and take your time.

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  9. This was a very cute essy.

    I did not see any spelling mistakes except one and in the last paragraph second sentence you spelled then like this "THen".

    This story is vrey detailed thats what makes people want to keep reading a story good job.

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  10. I like because it is very descriptive.

    Some of your sentences are very short.

    The last sentence in the 4th paragraph seems like a run-on sentence to me.

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    Replies
    1. I also just found a spelling mistake in the last paragraph. You spelled into like ino.

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  11. great narrative
    i like how you put alot of detail
    reread it for grammer mistakes

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  12. This was a great essay

    It was so well described that it made me want to be there

    not many mistakes

    GOOD JOB!! :)

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  13. It was really fun besides a crab pinching. Great outline by the way.

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