Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Four

          Have you ever spent a day back in time, let's say about oh....30,000,000 years!! Read on to experience the day I was with the dinosaurs.

          It was the day I woke up. I look through my window and the sun warms my face. I put my feet out of my bed and I realize that it is covered with grass. I dash out of my room to find my parents and mysteriously there not there. And then out of nowhere I'm standing face to face with a triceratops. I couldn't believe it!! This was my favorite dinosaur!! Weirdly, he shows no sign of threats to me and then I notice a saddle on his back and he gestures me to get on.

          And when I was on him he showed me around where he lives, I was in paradise. I spotted a HUGE waterfall and he and I played there the whole day. (With a waterslide.) WE also played tag and hide and go seek. When the day was over, he brought me over to my bed and we exchanged gifts, and we said our goodbyes and we promised we will see each other soon.

          Then I woke up, mad at the fact that it was just a dream. I told all my friends, my parents, and my stuffed tiger named Hobbes. My parents and Hobbs were happy that I had fun, but my friends thought I was a nut. i hope that you enjoyed Calvin's day with his very own triceratops.
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14 comments:

  1. BuddytheElfApril 4, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    I like how the first paragraph gets your attention

    I like how you started for the very beginning

    I like all the detail you put into this

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 4, 2012 at 7:57 PM

    This got my full attention

    The begining was stroung

    i found no mistakes

    ReplyDelete
  3. Big Bay BluesApril 4, 2012 at 8:10 PM

    Made me want to read on
    A very fun story
    I found no spelling errors
    GREAT JOB!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Exibitioner99April 5, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    The first paragraph really draws you in, in the second paragraph first sentence you should put "warmed" instead of "warms", and you start of the second paragraph you start it in the past tense than move to present.

    ReplyDelete
  5. shadowhunter252April 5, 2012 at 11:13 AM

    I reallt think this was a great article. I loved the idea how the first paragraph got your attention. I found a couple of mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Left 4 Dead GirlApril 5, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Fun story.

    In one of the sentences you have to start with a captital "I".

    I wanted to read more of the story in a longer book.

    ReplyDelete
  7. flower powerApril 5, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    This story was very funny.

    Make sure to watch your capital letters at the begining of a sentence.

    Other than the capital letters i found this story very funny i wanted to read on.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Magic105April 5, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    I liked your story.

    I liked at the end how it was all a dream but it seemed so real.

    I didnt find any mistakes.

    ReplyDelete
  9. puppet masterApril 5, 2012 at 11:16 AM

    This is overall good story. Your introduction caught my attention, and throughout the story i wanted to keep reading on. The only mistake you made was your used different tenses. You started in the present, and then you went to the past. Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. JurxssicaApril 5, 2012 at 11:20 AM

    This story was funny

    You missed a capital letter in one of the sentances

    I liked the begining

    Just wondering does the triceritops talk?

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousApril 5, 2012 at 11:21 AM

    In the first paragraph it should be that you realized that mysteriously their not there.

    Do not put periods in parantheses.

    In the last paragraph you spelled Hobbs 2 different ways.

    ReplyDelete
  12. regectedgoodsideApril 5, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    i enjoyed the narrative
    the first parragraph got me to read on
    i liked how you used capitol letters for certain words

    ReplyDelete
  13. #1 White Sox fanApril 16, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    Yes I have, but then I woke up! Great well thought out/line. check spelling and punctuation though.

    ReplyDelete

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