Hey you, yea you! Have you ever been to Florida...or gone to Florida in a car, from Chicago? Well if you have not let me tell you my experience at Florida and going to Florida.
Well, as I have already told you I got their in a car, more like a van...because half of my soccer team and I wher going to a soccer tournament for 5 days!
The ride to Florida wasn't all that bad, well except for the fact that we stayed almost a full day in that car, and only had about 3 pit stops!
The tournament ended pretty well, our team got second place, and ranked up to 3rd in the country!
So that about sums up my stay at Florida, I loved the weather, I loved the reson I went to Florida, and I also loved the people I stayed with! So I guess I could say I love Florida.
Did't find any spelling mistakes.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a lot of fun.
Mabey you could do a narrative about how your soccer game went.
i Like how you got the audiences attention
ReplyDeletetry a little more detail
good narrative no mistakes
Good job with spelling I did not find any mistakes.
ReplyDeleteIn your essy you should try and put some detail about your soccer game.
I like how you started your essy on trying to get someones attention by when you said "hey you".
In the second paragraph u spelled were like wher.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to indent the third paragraph.
Your paragraphs are very short.
I liked the opening paragraph how it used "hey you, yea you!" That was a very good way to open a paragraph. In the body of the essay, it should have had ALOT more information about those paragraphs.... and the conclusion also needed more information.
DeleteIt was very short
ReplyDeleteI didn't get the thrid and fourth paragraphs. At frist you're in the car, then you're at the end of a tournament
funny begining
the beginning got my attention
ReplyDeletethe narrative needs more details, its very short
overall good narrative
I thought the beginning got my attention.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was kida short all you talked about was being in a car but it was intresting
I dont think your paragraphs were long enough
In the first paragraph second sentence you should put "about" between "you" and "my", should be a little longer, and I didn't find any spelling mistakes.
ReplyDeleteGot my attention right away
ReplyDeletethis essay was a little to short
I think you should but more details in your paragraphs
This essay was o.k.
ReplyDeleteYou need to put more detail in the paragraphs to make it longer.
You spelled "were" wrong and you spelled "reason" wrong, but other then that I found no spelling mistakes.
Your essay was sorta like an extended version of an outline. On that note your body needed alot more detail. You should tell what happened in the game, the score,etc. You had two spelling errors that I caught was "Where" you spelled "Wher" and "reason" you spelled reson."
ReplyDeleteI found only two spelling mistakes
ReplyDeleteI think it needed more detail
It was a decent essay
I've been to Florida but I flew there I saw some Flamingos and a few Alligators but otherwise it wasn't special. On the other hand this topic/outline is really interesting. Viva La Mexico!
ReplyDelete