Monday, April 2, 2012

Narrative Essay Number One

When was your first time at six flags? Mine was October 7, 2011 and it was pretty fun. What did you do? Well I got chased by zombies. In this essay I'm going to tell you about my first time at six flags.

I was at chalk walk and *** and *** were talking about how scary six flags were during freight fest, I said it sounded like fun. Then they said there going today want to come and that's how I got invited. I went to my car and surprisingly my dad said yes! So later that dad I drove with Erin to six flags. We were meeting up with *** later.

When *** and I were waiting we decided to ride the Viper. I was kind of nervous on line and kept on thinking what if it breaks. When we were going to the top I thought to my self oh this won't be too bad well I was wrong. At one point I thought the roller coaster broke! My first roller coaster the Viper was a pretty fun one and I will never forget it.

When *** finally got there we made are way to the trials. We walked through it a few times and no one came up to us (luckily), until *** started to scream then *** and I said stop *** they come when you scream. That's exactly what happened this zombie cop went up to *** and started to chase her. *** and I thought it was hilarious. Later in the trail there was a line of Halloween decorations but one of them was real, when to one popped out I got so scared I pushed ***'s mo right into it.

After the trial we had to walk through the clown section. *** and *** were so scared they wouldn't come; it took 10 minutes to just get them in! When we were in this random kid decided to hide and pop out at people, when I was walking the kid popped out I almost peed myself. The clowns never went by ***'s little sister so when ever a clown was near I hid be hind her.

That was my first time at six flags. I had a great time getting scared with *** and ***. I hope my next time is just as fun.

14 comments:

  1. I like how you told something about yourself in the narrative.

    You spelled fright wrong

    I like how to put the *** to more emphases on it

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like how you did *** to keep things confidential,that is really smart.

    For the second paragrapg second sentence you should add some comas to make it sound a little more seperated instead of jumbled.

    The second to the last paragraph is funny,I like it! Overall this was a pretty good narrative!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved your essy its so funny I remember my first time going to six flags except I was not there for fright fest

    Make sure to watch your spelling and punctuation but other than that good jod.

    I liked how you used *** to not name any names and keep it a secret and not give it a way on who wrote this essy. I enjoyed reading you essy alot good job.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Very good but need to check spelling
    Very smart to put the ****
    This was a very funny essay.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This was a very good essy.

    I like how you used ***** that was cool.

    Your spelling was good.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was a super awesome essay!!!!!!!!!!! ;))
    I thought you could check your spelling

    and using the **** was very smart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I liked the way how you described how scary the experience was. When i was reading it it gave me goosebumps.

      Delete
  7. You spelled fright wrong

    In the first paragraph, you put "so later dad I"

    In the third paragraph, you put " I pushed ***'s mo" instead of mom

    It was a great essay!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like this essay.

    You spelled there wrong,its their.

    Funny story, and fun.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Never been to six flags but I'm always wanting to go. Take the hint! You also spelled fright wrong. But honestly I've always wanted to go to six flags I seem to be the only person I know who has never gone. Nice essay though

    ReplyDelete
  10. In the second paragraph you typed "I" instead of "it", causing it to sound funky. Nice work on your introduction. It really caught my attention. Slow down on your work and check over it.... a lot of grammer mistakes. Even though you had a few ifs all in all it was a great story.

    ReplyDelete
  11. there was a couple of spelling errors
    you should reread it to fix them
    overall pretty good

    ReplyDelete
  12. In the second paragraph you put two "and"s and you put "were" instead of "was" and in the second sentence of the second paragraph you put "there" instead of "they were".

    ReplyDelete
  13. In the second paragraph, u spelled day wrong.

    In the third paragraph you said that were kind of nervous on line instead of in line.

    In the second paragraph you spelled fright wrong.

    Overall, this was a good essay.

    ReplyDelete