Do you remember your first time going to Six Flags? I remember my first time like it was yesterday, I had a blast. I went with my best friends and I actually rode my first roller coaster! I was scared at first but I'm not anymore.
I drove to Six Flags with my two friends there brother and mom. While we were in the car we were listening to music and singing along. We were sitting in the back seat and we were laughing so hard my friends always know who to make me laugh. They were telling me about all the fun I would have and all the roller coasters that are really fun. They said if I did not want to go on the ride they would "push" me on but they were kidding about actually pushing me on the ride but they were not going to let me chicken out.
When we got there I was kinda scared to ride any of the rides. The roller coasters looked like they were all going really fast. I heard screaming and laughing on the rides around me. My friends said don't worry roller coasters are really fun they told me and we got in line for are first ride we were going to ride.
My first roller coaster was really fun. The name of my first roller coaster was Superman. It was read and blue and makes you feel like you are flying its really cool. It was really fast but not scary. When the ride was over we got off I loved it I could not wait to ride another roller coaster so we went to ride another one.
I went to the movies with my friends we went to see Charlie St. Cloud. Then on are way home they asked if I just wanted to go to Six Flags in the morning I said sure. So we had a sleepover and left in the morning to go to Six Flags. I was scared at first but they told me to face my fears and that I would love it. My first ride they "pushed me on" was Superman I was kinda scared I could not figure out how to buckle the seat belt so one of my friends had to help me it was hilarious. When I got of I wanted to ride another roller coaster all of the ones we rode were so much fun I faced my fears but we did not ride any wooden ones because I was scared of those. But when we go again over the summer they said there were going to "push" me on the wooden ones. I can't wait till we go again!
Good eseasy
ReplyDeletelast pairograve made no sence
Good spelling
I like how you started off with a question
ReplyDeleteI think you should use some synonyms
I like the detail you put into this
Fantasic essay
ReplyDeleteLook over your last paragraph
Good spelling
Your second paragraph doesn't make sense to me.
ReplyDeleteIn the second paragraph first sentense you should spell there, their.
I dont get the first paragraph
Second paragraph first sentence it is supposed to be "their" not "there", last sentence and paragraph should be "they" not "there", and I can't find any spelling mistakes.
ReplyDeleteif i were you, i would leve out the last sentance in the first paragraph. The sencond and third paragraphs were fantastic. in the fourth paragraph, you messed up "read" and the word "red". I don't get it..... the last paragraph was BEFORE all of the story happended?
ReplyDeleteYour story was quite intriguing. I liked how you summarized your long trip into a short one. You had a few grammar mistakes like you need to add a comma and "and" because you had a few cases where it didn't make sense.
ReplyDeleteI liked this essay
ReplyDeleteInone of the lines you put "who" but it was suppose to be "how".
In the fourth sentence you should put "we were leaving six flags and then going to the movies".
I think your essy was very good.
ReplyDeleteYou should edit your last paragraph.
Make sure you mention things that happened before you went to six flags in the begining
In the third paragraph,you put are instead of our.
ReplyDeleteIn the fourth paragraph you spelled red wrong.
In the beginning of the fifth paragraph you said are instead of our.
Overall, I really liked your essay.
i think the first part of the last paragraph should be included in your into
ReplyDeletethere was a couple of grammar mistakes
overall in OK narrative
I think that you should have used a different word for fun because a couple off sentances made me say fun alot
ReplyDeleteYou spelled red wrong
And you used the wrong word "there" is supposed to be "their"