Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Thirteen

          Have you ever pet a dolphin? Or had a dolpin splash water on you? This is a story all about the time that I fed and pet a dolphin.
          We were at Sea World in San Antonio, Texas. We were in San Antonio because I had a national competition for tumbling. I came in 5th place throughout the whole country. We were in Texas for a week.
          While we were feeding the dolphins, one dolphin came and splashed water all over me. The dolphin was black and I think had a scar on him. He must've thought that I wasn't going to give him a fish, but I was. He just put his head under the water and yanked it up making water splash all over me. My brother and sister were laughing.
         We fed the dolphins fish. When you bought the fish they came in little trays. They came with about 6 fish. I bought two trays of fish for the dolphins.
         Petting and feeding a dolphin was really fun. I will remember this experience for a long time. I would definitely want to do this again.
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14 comments:

  1. BuddytheElfApril 11, 2012 at 6:36 PM

    Space your paragraphs

    I like how the first parragraph gets your attention

    Be more detailed

    ReplyDelete
  2. Magic105April 11, 2012 at 6:37 PM

    Interesting narrative.

    Found a couple of spelling mistakes.

    It would be cool to feed a dolphin.

    ReplyDelete
  3. flower powerApril 12, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    I loved you paragraph I found it very cute.

    I found no spelling mistakes.

    This essy was very detailed.

    I enjoyed reading this essy good job.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 12, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    You should make your essay more detailed.

    I found no spelling mistakes.

    You should space out your paragraphs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. shadowhunter252April 13, 2012 at 4:30 PM

    This needs a lot of detail to this, but you also need to space your paragraphs..... but other than that I wish i was in that story!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. JurxssicaApril 13, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    There were no mistakes that I found

    Space out the paragraphs

    a very interesting and funny essay!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. regectedgoodsideApril 14, 2012 at 11:33 AM

    the first paragraph got my attention
    i didn't find grammar mistakes
    nice job

    ReplyDelete
  8. Exibitioner99April 14, 2012 at 7:43 PM

    Third paragraph second sentence you should get rid of "on him", I didn't find any other grammar mistakes, and it could be a little longer.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Big Bay BluesApril 15, 2012 at 8:04 AM

    Got my attention right away
    space paragraphs
    But i think it should be a little longer

    ReplyDelete
  10. Left 4 Dead GirlApril 15, 2012 at 10:32 AM

    I love this essay.

    Put spaces between the paragraphs.

    This story sounded very fun.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Left 4 Dead GirlApril 15, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. SWAGmonsterApril 15, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    I like how much detail you put into this essay.

    I think you should space your paragraphs.

    I that it was very intresting and sounded fun.

    ReplyDelete
  13. puppet masterApril 15, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    In the second paragrapgh you said "we"... whose we you need to tell that. More detailed. It was all fact no emotion was put into this.... like excitement. When i read it, it sounded like i was reading facts.

    ReplyDelete
  14. #1 White Sox fanApril 16, 2012 at 2:55 PM

    Should be a little longer but hey what can I say look at mine! Otherwise I found this outline pretty interesting... lucky with your dolphins and such.

    ReplyDelete

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