Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Three

          Hi my name is Jill and I would like to tell you a story that happened two years ago. I was reading my book of fairy tales when I was supposed to be helping Jack to get a pail of water. I was sent to my room because I did not help Jack who apparently broke his crown falling down the hill, and this is the second time it happened.

         When I was in my room I said, "I wish I could be in a fairy tale". Then the mirror on the wall said I can, and so I went through a portal and I ended up in a different world called "Fairy Port". This world was full of magic and characters you would not find in everyday life.

          I met so many interesting, magical, nice, and wicked people. I also had quite an adventurous time while I was there. I am also a heroin because I saved my world and the magical world from an evil and vicious Jabberwocky, but no one from my world knows that. But after a couple of days I had to go back home. When I finally returned home I had apparently been only gone for two minutes.

         I had a great time in "Fairy Port" and I cannot wait to go back for some more fun and more adventures! I hope to talk to you again about more of my exciting adventures! See you soon!
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14 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 4, 2012 at 7:55 PM

    This was interesting

    your speling was good

    I found no mistakes

    ReplyDelete
  2. BuddytheElfApril 4, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    I liked how you did a flaskback

    I think you should be more specific on who was nice or magical

    I like your closing

    ReplyDelete
  3. Big Bay BluesApril 4, 2012 at 8:06 PM

    I like the whole story
    i didnt see any spelling errors
    I liked your opening paragraph. It made me want to read on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Exibitioner99April 5, 2012 at 11:05 AM

    This sounds exciting, I don't think you should start a sentence with "but", and I think you should include Jack in the adventure.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Left 4 Dead GirlApril 5, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    I liked this story.

    Good spelling.

    You might want to explain what a Jabberwocky is.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SWAGGmonster123April 5, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    I liked how you started the story it made me want to read more.

    I found no mistakes

    I think it was very intresting but you should use more detial.

    ReplyDelete
  7. flower powerApril 5, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    I absolutely love this essy.

    There was no spelling or punctuation mistakes good job.

    I think you did a good job I did not see any mistakes and Fairy port sounds familiar where have I herd this nice essy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. shadowhunter252April 5, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    I think this was an O.K. artical. The only part i dont get was the part about the jabberwocky.... I mean thats from alice in wonderland for crying outloud!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. puppet masterApril 5, 2012 at 11:10 AM

    In this story i thought you could be a little more specific in details. Also your introduction didn't really catch my attention. On the bright side there was no spelling errors that caught my eye.

    ReplyDelete
  10. JurxssicaApril 5, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    I liked the begining of the essay made me want to read the rest

    I think I've heard of Fairy port and the mirror on the wall

    I found no mistakes

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousApril 5, 2012 at 11:17 AM

    In the first paragraph it shouldn't haave the word to between Jack and get.

    Try to use more commas in some places so they are not run on sentences.

    Very creative story

    ReplyDelete
  12. Magic105April 5, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    I dont get the Jabberwocky part.

    I didnt find any mistakes.

    I liked your story it was interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  13. regectedgoodsideApril 5, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    i liked the fairy tale twist
    very creative
    great narrative

    ReplyDelete
  14. #1 White Sox fanApril 16, 2012 at 3:43 PM

    Creative in my book, and I would say that this is grammaticaly the cleanest outline I've read yet.

    ReplyDelete

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