Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Narrative Essay Number Twelve

          Have you ever wondered how it feels to travel the seas surface? How about what it's like to travel around the world searching for treasure? Well I have done both of these things and even though it was dangerous it was also very exciting. It also helped me learn that some things aren't worth dying for.

          First there was Black Beard and his crew. They started following us after we took a key from their last ship wreck, which disturbed their final resting place. At first we thought they were a cargo ship but when they got closer we realized they were dead. Also when they got closer they started firing at us with their cannon. So we started firing back but out cannon balls did no harm to their ship so we tried to outrun them. We couldn't lose them though so we landed on a nearby island and tried to fight them there. They were much stronger than us though and over took and captured us, but they still took our submarine wtih.

          After we were on their ship they forced us to take them to the treasure but on the way we were attacked by a giant squid. It wrapped its arms around the hull of the ship and attempted to sink us, but Black Beard and his crew defended the ship by cutting off three of the squid's arms. After that we had been travelling for about 2-3 weeks in peace until we neared the shipwreck where the treasure lay and a whale the size of five double decker buses attacked. Black Beard through spear after spear the the whale until it finally left us alone.

          So we took our submarine down to get the treasure from the sunken ship but instead we found an old wet map. Even though most of the writing was faded we could still tell what was written. It said to go to an old island located off of the coast of Spain. When we got there we had to trek across the deep jungle to the center of the island. There were heaps of gold and jewels everywhere. There Black Beard and his crew went to take the treasure for themselves but as soon as they touched it a gaping hole opened underneath them and they fell to their deaths again.

So throughout and after this entire ordeal I realized that some things you just can't have. The things you can have though sometimes just aren't worth dying for. I have also discovered that even though travelling the world can be fun and exciting it can also be deadly and dangerous.rough

14 comments:

  1. I like how the first sentence was a question

    I like how you were so detailed

    Great narrative no errors

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  2. Found some spelling mistakes.

    I like your narrative.

    It sounds like a fun adventure to be on.

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  3. I liked how you started out with a question and really gets peoples attention.

    In your last paragraph you had a mistake it was after you put dangerous.rough and that did not make sense.

    This essy was very good overall.

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  4. In the fourth line of the second paragraph, you said out instead of our.

    The last word of the second paragraph should be spelled as with.

    In the last sentence of the third paragraph, it should be "Blackbeard threw spear after spear...".

    Your essay was very detailed and descriptive.

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  5. The essay was great

    The beginning was vey confusing

    The thrid paagraph you wrote "Blackbeard thew spear after spear the the whale..."

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  6. The fist paragraph didn't really reach me... it just wasn't really that interesting...

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  7. the last sentence of the 3rd paragraph you should've used "threw" instead of through
    i like how you added a moral to your story
    nice job

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  8. First paragraph firat sentence you should put "the surface of the sea" instead of "the seas surface", first paragraph first sentence sea's should have an apostraphe, and the second paragraph fifth sentence it should be "our" not "out".

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  9. in 3rd paragraph youpt through but it is threw
    Look over your 1st paragraph it is a little confusing
    Very good essay

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  10. I thought this was a good story.

    I was confused because where are you in this story.

    The story was interesting though and it sounded like fun.

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  11. In the second paragragh you said out instead or our i think because saying out cannon balls in that sentence does not make sense.

    I liked the frist paragraph it got my attention

    I liked how you described somethings in this story.

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  12. In the 4 paragrapgh you put "the" twice, should the first "the" be "at?" I liked the storyline kept me interesting. Nice attention getters with the questions.

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  13. second paraghragh did not make sense

    the esey was was good

    i liked the description it keepted me interested

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  14. This is a great outline it is great in length good spelling I didn't find any mistakes in grammar or punctuation, and I really read this three times.

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